This last week I go to speak at an International living conference. One of the other speakers I go tot meet was Penny who owns and runs Penelopes isalnd emporium. I really like here take and thought you would enjoy it too.

Her topic was “Running a Honduran Business, An Expat’s Tales.” It is chock full of info & quite entertaining. It was a 45 minute presentation. She got huge laughter & applause, so it was well received.
Enjoy! All comments welcomed!

AFTER SPENDING MOST OF MY ADULT LIFE SEARCHING, I KNEW IN 3 DAYS THAT I HAD FINALLY FOUND MY LITTLE PARADISE:
ROATAN

GOOD MORNING!
MY NAME IS PENNY LEIGH & I AM A FELLOW ISLAND FEVER VICTIM, AN IL TOUR VETERAN & HAVE LIVED ON ROATAN FULL TIME FOR ONE YEAR, 1 MONTH & 22 DAYS.

I OWN PENELOPE’S ISLAND EMPORIUM IN WEST END. WE SELL UPSCALE, TROPICAL, ONE OF A KIND JEWELRY & PERSONAL & HOME ACCESSORIES. & OPENING “SOMEDAY” SOON OUR 2ND STORE WILL BE LOCATED IN THE NEW WEST BAY BEACH MALL..

I’LL BE A CHAIN!

I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT OPENING AND OPERATING A BUSINESS ON ROATAN AS A SINGLE AMERICAN WOMAN.

BEFORE I GET INTO THAT, I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE SOME OF MY EXPERIENCES & OBSERVATIONS AND PERHAPS OFFER YOU SOME INSIGHTS. BECAUSE ROATAN IS MY PERMANENT, NEW HOME, I FEEL YOU SHOULD HAVE A TRUE GRASP OF WHAT LIVING ON AN ISLAND OFF THE COAST OF HONDURAS IS REALLY LIKE.

BEFORE I TELL YOU OF MY BUSINESS ENDEAVORS, I WOULD LIKE TO FIRST TALK ABOUT WHY YOU ARE NOT HERE TOO LATE. WHY THERE ARE EXCELLENT REASONS TO BUY PROPERTY ON ROATAN NOW.

THIS MORNING, AS I WAS ENJOYING MY CUP OF EXCELLENT HONDURAN COFFEE, I STEPPED OUT ONTO OUR LITTLE BEDROOM BALCONY & WONDERED WHAT YOU ALL WOULD BE LIKE & WHAT YOU WILL THINK OF ROATAN. ROATAN IS IN A STATE OF CHANGE. ON ONE SIDE OF OUR HOUSE I WATCHED A YOUNG MAN USING A MACHETE TO CUT BACK THE BUSH, JUST AS IT HAS BEEN DONE FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS. I TURNED & LOOKED TO THE OTHER SIDE AS ANOTHER MAN WAS FIRING UP HIS GAS WEED EATER.
CHANGE.

HOW I FOUND ROATAN

I HAD BEEN AN INTERNATIONAL LIVING SUBSCRIBER FOR SEVERAL YEARS IN THE LATE 1990’S & KEPT READING ABOUT THIS FACINATING LITLE PLACE CALLED ROATAN. I MET MY PARTNER, TONY ABOUT THE SAME TIME & WE DECIDED TO GO ON THE IL REAL ESTATE ADVENTURE TO THE BAY ISLANDS IN APRIL OF 2000. SITTING ON THE PLANE NEXT TO US WERE SEVERAL PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT PROPERTY ON THE END OF THAT TOUR.

TONY & I WERE VERY EXCITED. OUR DREAM WAS TO LEAVE OUR DEAD END CAREERS IN SOUTH FLORIDA, BUY PROPERTY IN THE ISLANDS & BUILD OUR DREAM HOUSE IN RURAL COLORADO. WE PLANNED TO WINTER ON A TROPICAL BEACH & OPEN A CUTE SHOP WHILE ENJOYING THE COLORADO SUMMERS.

JUST A NOTE HERE, WE WERE NOT THE ONLY ONES WITH THIS DREAM. THE WAY COLORADANS ARE MOVING HERE, THE STATE SHOULD BE PRETTY CLOSE TO EMPTY BY NOW. I COULDN’T FIGURE THIS OUT UNTIL I REALIZED THE LARGEST SCUBA DIVING CLUB IN THE STATES IS LOCATED IN COLORADO.

SO, OFF WE WENT. THE IL TOUR AT THE TIME WAS A DEAD RUN COVERING ROATAN, UTILA & GUANAHA IN A WEEK’S TIME. BE GLAD YOUR SEMINAR IS NOW MUCH IMPROVED.

WE MOVED SO FAST, ONE MEMBER OF OUR IL TOUR, FINALLY ASKED DURING YET ANOTHER BUS RIDE, “CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHERE I’VE BEEN & WHAT I SAW?” I OFTEN WONDER WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO “WHAT ISLAND AM I ON RON”.

ANOTHER MEMBER OF OUR GROUP, UNCLE BOB, FROM NEW JERSEY, KEPT PESTERING A NICE LOOKING BLACK MAN TO GET HIM A DRINK. UNCLE BOB MISTOOK THE GOVERNOR OF UTILA TO BE A WAITER. UNCLE BOB IS NOW RETIRED & LIVING THE GOOD LIFE IN PUERTO VALLARTA. THE BAY ISLANDS ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE.

BECAUSE OF THE FURIOUS PACE, WE HAD ALLOWED OURSELVES ANOTHER WEEK ON OUR OWN TO CLINCH WHATEVER DEAL WE COULD FIND AFTER ALL THE SMOKE & DUST CLEARED.

IN 2000 THERE WAS NO MLS: MULTIPLE LISTING SERVICE HERE. I CONTACTED REALTORS LISTED IN THE IL LITERATURE BEFORE THE TOUR & ATTEMPTED TO SET UP APPTS WITH THOSE WHO ACTUALLY EMAILED ME BACK, WAY BACK THEN. WE HAD 4 DIFFERENT REALTORS READY TO MEET WITH US AFTER THE INITIAL MEETING, JUST LIKE TODAY. I HAD SPECIFICALLY TOLD THEM EXACTLY WHAT OUR PLANS WERE, PRECISELY WHAT WE WERE LOOKING FOR AND WHAT WE WERE PREPARED TO SPEND.

OUR ORIGINAL DREAM WAS TO OPEN A MINI STORAGE FACILITY. WE NEEDED 2 ACRES ON THE MAIN ROAD; A COMMERCIAL LOCATION BETWEEN THE SHIP DOCKS & THE AIRPORT.

OUR 4 REALTORS KNEW THAT WAS THE ONLY THING WE WANTED TO SEE.
ALL 4 REALTORS TOOK US TO A BROKEN DOWN DISCOTEQUE FOR SALE…………AND THEN, THEY EACH GAVE US A DIFFERENT PRICE!!
WE WERE UPSET TO SAY THE LEAST.

MUCH TO OUR SURPRISE WE FELL IN LOVE WITH UTILA & ENDED UP WRITING A SALES CONTRACT ON A PRISTINE BEACHFRONT LOT. WE ALSO MADE AN OFFER ON A HOUSE IN WEST BAY BEACH, NOT FAR FROM HERE..

EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN’T FIND THAT COMMERCIAL PROPERTY, WE FELT GOOD THAT WE HAD A PIECE OF BEACH ON UTILA & A HOUSE ON WEST BAY BEACH.
.
BACK AT FANTASY ISLAND, TONY JUST HAPPENED TO GET TELEVISION RECEPTION & FOUND ME.

REMEMBER THE CRASHING 2000 STOCK MARKET??

BACK IN 2000, INTERNET & TELEPHONE WERE IFFY AT BEST. BY THE TIME I GOT THRU ON A PHONE LINE TO THE STATES, MY NEWLY HIRED PORTFOLIO MANAGERS TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY, IT WOULD BE SHORTLIVED & ACTUALLY I SHOULD START BUYING MORE TECH STOCKS AS THE PRICES GOT CHEAPER EVERYDAY.

. WE SPENT THE SECOND WEEK ON THE ISLAND, STAYING AT PALMETTO BAY & NEVER ACCOMPLISHED OUR GOAL.

WE SAID GOOD-BY & HEADED BACK TO FLORIDA. ONCE MY ISLAND FEVER SUBSIDED TO A DULL ACHE I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I WAS A SINGLE WOMAN INVESTING IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE & I DIDN’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT I WAS DOING. I WAS ABLE TO BACK OUT OF BOTH CONTRACTS. I THEN PROCEEDED TO LOSE EVERYTHING IN THE TECH MARKET FALL-OUT.
.
THE $40,000 UTILA BEACHFRONT LOT JUST RECENTLY RESOLD FOR $99,000. THE $135,000 WEST BAY BEACH HOUSE IS NOW WORTH $500,000. IF I HADN’T PANICKED & LISTENED TO STOCKBROKERS WE WOULD HAVE LOST NOTHING. WE WOULD HAVE PROFITED.

AS A SIDE NOTE, OUT OF THE 4 REALTORS WE VENTURED OUT WITH BACK THEN, ONE WAS EXTRADITED & MAY STILL BE IN PRISON, ANOTHER COUPLE FLED IN THE DEAD OF NITE, NEVER TO BE HEARD FROM AGAIN….SOMETHING ABOUT UNCLEAR TITLES & DEATH THREATS. THE OTHER ONE IS INEXPLICABLY, SOMEHOW STILL HERE, PROBABLY LURKING BEHIND A PALM TREE OUT THERE.

SO, BE THANKFUL THAT TODAY YOU HAVE THE MLS, REPUTABLE REALTORS, & AS YOU CAN SEE, MORE THAN ENOUGH TO GO AROUND!
TODAY, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE INFRASTRUCTURE AND MANY MORE DEVELOPMENTS & AREAS TO CHOOSE FROM THAN IN YEARS PAST. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT TOO LATE TO INVEST IN ROATAN. BASED ON WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, I SUGGEST YOU BUY “SOMETHING.”

SO, AFTER THE FIRST ROUND, LEAVING ROATAN DEFEATED, WE STARTED ON THE SECOND PART OF OUR PLANS……..BUILD A HOME IN SOUTHERN COLORADO & OPEN UP A WESTERN JEWELRY & COWBOY & INDIAN COLLECTIBLE SHOP….PENELOPE’S WESTERN EMPORIUM.

WE SOON FOUND OUT THAT THERE WAS NO WATER ON MY 90 MOUNTAIN ACRES, SO THE ONLY THING WE COULD BUILD WOULD BE A MOUNTAIN TOP PARKING LOT FOR BLACK BEARS. THANKS TO THE US ECONOMY, A 5 YEAR DROUGHT & WILDFIRES, PENELOPE’S WESTERN EMPORIUM LOST MONEY FOR 4 ½ STRAIGHT YEARS.

ONE DAY, FIDDLING WITH MY BRAND NEW CELL PHONE, TONY CAME TO ME & SAID:
“MAY I HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?”

WHEN I HEAR THOSE WORDS, I BRACE MYSELF FOR THE WORST.

“PENNY. YOU HAVE CONVINCED ME TO LEAVE SOUTH FLORIDA & RUN AWAY WITH YOU TO BE COWBOYS. FROM THIS EXPERIENCE I NOW KNOW ABOUT BONE CHILLING COLD, SNOW SHOVELING, MOUNTAIN BLACK ICE DRIVING , STATIC ELECTRICITY & LONG UNDERWEAR.

LET’S FACE IT, OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS NOT THE GREATEST.

IF WE ARE GOING TO BE BROKE COULDN’T WE AT LEAST BE POOR IN ROATAN??

WELL, AS IT HAPPENED, A FEW NIGHTS BEFORE, MY VAN BROKE DOWN ON A DESOLATE ICY MOUNTAIN ROAD AT NIGHT. I HAD NO PHONE, NO FLARES, NO BLANKETS, NOTHING. IT WAS WELL BELOW ZERO IN MOUNTAIN LION COUNTRY. THE STATE PATROL FINALLY FOUND ME 2 ½ HOURS LATER WHEN I WAS HONESTLY EXPERIENCING HYPOTHERMIA, THE BEGINNING STAGES OF FREEZING TO DEATH.

THE ONLY THING I COULD SAY TO TONY WAS, “DO YA THINK MY NEW CELL PHONE WILL WORK ON ROATAN?”

IT SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD TO ME.

WE VISITED ROATAN 3 TIMES BEFORE WE MOVED HERE. NOW THAT WE HAD MADE THE LIFE CHANGING DECISION TO LIQUIDATE OUR BUSINESS & LIVES IN THE US, WE HAD LOTS OF RESEARCHING TO DO.

TONY DESCRIBES MY FACT FINDING MISSIONS MUCH LIKE HANGING ONTO A VACCUUM CLEANER ON AMPHETAMINES. WE STAYED IN DIFFERENT AREAS AT DIFFERENT TIMES OF YEAR. WE GROCERY SHOPPED, TRIED COOKING ALL THE DELICIOUS LOCAL FOOD,
VISITED THE CLINICS, FARMACIAS,THE INSURANCE COMPANY, THE FERRETERIAS (HARDWARE STORES), FOUND THE AUTO MECHANIC. WE TOOK THE FERRY TO THE MAINLAND & WINDOW SHOPPED FOR APPLIANCES, ELECTRONICS, HOUSEHOLD GOODS, TO GET A GOOD FEEL FOR WHAT WAS AVAILABLE & WHAT WE NEEDED TO MOVE DOWN WITH US.

BESIDES THAT,SOME THINGS, EVEN LITTLE THINGS ARE A BIG DEAL TO LADIES.

I WAS IN A REAL QUANDRY AS TO WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY NATURALLY BLEACHED BLONDE HAIR. I SOON TIRED OF CHASING TERRIFIED BLONDE WOMEN THROUGH THE STREETS OF COXEN HOLE FOR HELP. WE SAW AN OLD POSTER PROCLAIMING “YELLOW HAIR.”WELL, I DISCOVERED WE HAVE A LOCAL HAIRDRESSER, FRANCISCO, IN THE BARRIO WHO DOES COLOR . I TOOK THE PLUNGE & WAS THE ONLY GRINGA IN THE PLACE. THE HAIR COLOR CHART DISPLAYED BLACK, BROWN, BLUE & BURGUNDY. FRANCISCO CALMED ME DOWN. “NO PROBLEMO, PAY-NAY-LOW-PAY.”(PENELOPE) OUT CAME THE OLD RUSTED CAN OF “BLONDO”. I WASN’T WORRIED BECAUSE IT WAS “DUST FREE.” I CLOSED MY EYES. THERE WAS NO HOT RUNNING WATER, BUT A VERY COOL RAINWATER FOR RINSING. THE WATER TANK ON THE ROOF IS WARMED BY THE SUN.
IT WAS THE BEST HAIR COLOR & CUT OF MY LIFE. HE CHARGED ME $53.00, THE GRINGO RATE, BUT I WAS THRILLED & RELIEVED TO PAY.

FRANCISCO HAS SINCE BEEN DISCOVERED BY BOTH MEN & WOMEN EXPATS. HIS SALON IS TOTALLY REDONE, THERE ARE ENGLISH LANGUAGE MAGAZINES TO READ IN THE SITTING AREA & HE EVEN RUNS RADIO COMMERCIALS ON THE ENGLISH SPEAKING RADIO STATION.
WE ALSO HAVE A EUROPEAN HAIR DESIGNER FROM LONDON, LOCATED IN WEST END.
CHANGE.


WE RETURNED TO ROATAN ONE MORE TIME IN 2004, BEFORE THE FINAL MOVE IN 2005, BUYING A LITTLE FIXER-UPPER ON THE SOUTHSIDE IRONSHORE OFF OF WEST BAY ROAD.
NOW, A FIXER-UPPER IN THE STATES & A FIXER-UPPER IN HONDURAS ARE SHALL WE SAY, WORLD’S APART. THERE ARE NO CODES HERE, NO OSHA, NO BUILDING INSPECTORS AS YOU ARE ACCUSTOMED TO. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THINGS YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BACK HOME.

THE FIRST THING THAT HAPPENED WAS THAT ALL THE WINDOWS FELL OUT, COMPLETELY CORRODED FROM THE SALT AIR. TONY HAD TO SIT UP FOR 24 HOURS WITH OUR 3 DOGS & A MACHETE, WAITING FOR THE VENTANA REPAIR MAN. DID THE NEW WINDOWS FIT? NOT REALLY, BUT BETTER THAN NOTHING.
IT WAS NOT AMUSING WHEN TAKING A SHOWER THE LIGHTS WENT OUT.
ONE DAY, WHILE I WAS OUTSIDE CLEANING UP THE YARD, GRAY WATER STARTING SHOOTING OUT OF THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE AS TONY SHOWERED UPSTAIRS. APPARENTLY THE GRAY WATER LINE CLOGGED, SO THE PREVIOUS TENANT HACKED IT OFF WITH A MACHETE.
SPARKS SHOT OUT OF OUTLETS. THE ELECTRIC LINE TO THE HOUSE HAD BEEN CUT & TAPED BACK TOGETHER IN 5 PLACES, SO THE ENTIRE LINE FROM THE HOUSE TO THE ROAD, SOME DISTANCE, HAD TO BE REPLACED. THEN WE FOUND OUT THE WHOLE HOUSE WAS NOT GROUNDED. WE BOUGHT 2 REALLY GREAT AIR CONDITIONERS AT A WONDERFUL STORE, DIUNSA, ON THE MAINLAND, IN SAN PEDRO SULA. AFTER WE INSTALLED THEM, WE THEN NOTICED, WHILE PAINTING, WE COULD SEE DAYLIGHT THROUGH THE WALLS & THERE IS A BIG SPACE BETWEEN THE TOP OF THE WALLS & THE LEAKY ROOF.

SO, WE CAN’T USE A/C AT OUR HOUSE.

THANK GOODNESS FOR THE SOUTH SHORE TROPICAL TRADE WINDS & LOTS OF FANS….A “FIXER-UPPER, HONDURAS STYLE”.?

ANOTHER COMMENT ABOUT THE REALTOR YOU CHOOSE TO WORK WITH. ASK THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT EVERYTHING. A GOOD REALTOR WILL TELL YOU THE GOOD POINTS OF A PROPERTY, BUT SHOULD ALSO POINT OUT ANY POTENTIAL PROBLEMS OR CONCERNS. I THOUGHT I HAD COVERED EVERYTHING WHEN WE DECIDED ON OUR HOUSE. I ASKED ABOUT:
WATER
POWER
ELECTRICITY
PHONE LINES
INTERNET
I FELT PRETTY INTELLIGENT.
MY REALTOR FAILED TO POINT OUT THAT I HAD NO LEGAL ROAD ACCESS TO MY PROPERTY. THE ROAD ACCESS ON MY PLAT OF SURVEY SHOWED A “CALLE,” A ROAD. IT WASN’T UNTIL FIRST AMERICAN TITLE INVESTIGATED THAT WE FOUND OUT WE DID NOT HAVE DEEDED ACCESS. THE REALTOR’S PERSONAL ATTORNEY DID NOT DO HIS DUE DILIGENCE REGARDING ROAD ACCESS AT ALL & WE HAD ALREADY CLOSED WHEN THIS WAS DISCOVERED. WE APPROACHED THE ISLANDER OWNER OF THE ADJOINING PROPERTY TO WORK ON PUTTING IN A ROAD & WERE TOLD LATER HE SAID “I’M NOT BUILDING A ROAD. THEY’RE ONLY A COUPLE OF GRINGOS.”

SO NOW IN THE RAINY SEASON, WE HAVE BEEN FORCED TO PARK WAY UP ON WEST BAY ROAD & SHLOGG THROUGH THE DRENCHING DOWNPOURS & ANKLE DEEP MUD, DRAGGING GROCERIES, CASES OF BEER, DOG FOOD & ANY OTHER PROVISIONS WE MIGHT NEED.

SO ASK ABOUT ALL THE BASICS: WATER, POWER, ELECTRICITY & ROAD ACCESS. DON’T LET ISLAND FEVER CAUSE YOU TO BECOME SO ENAMORED WITH A PROPERTY THAT YOU SAY “LOOK AT THE COLOR OF THE WATER!!! WHO CARES IF THERE’S NO ROAD TO GET THERE!” I ALSO CANNOT RECOMMEND ENOUGH TO ACQUIRE AMERICAN TITLE INSURANCE. IT IS NOT EXPENSIVE & THEY WILL GO TO BAT FOR YOU.

AFTER 911 OVER 2 MILLION AMERICANS LEFT THE UNITED STATES PERMANENTLY.
THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF EXPATS LIVING ON ROATAN NOW. BECAUSE OF THAT, THERE ARE MORE AND MORE AMENITIES APPEARING ALMOST DAILY. IF YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE VERY SAME MILK YOU DRINK BACK HOME, IT’S HERE, FOR $10 A GALLON. HAVE TO HAVE THAT TRADITIONAL TURKEY AT THANXGIVING? NO PROBLEMO, FOR $40. PERSONALLY, I QUICKLY CALCULATED HOW MUCH CRAB, SHRIMP & LOBSTER I COULD BUY FOR $40, BUT TO EACH HIS OWN, THERE ARE NOW LOTS OF CHOICES.

WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I MOVED TO ROATAN, IT’S A PRETTY SIMPLE ANSWER.

I NOW LIVE IN A TROPICAL PARADISE & I OWN A HOUSE ON THE OCEAN. I HAVE NO FEAR OF TERRORISM ANYMORE. I LISTEN TO ISLAND MUSIC & GOSSIP NOW, INSTEAD OF ALL THE DREADFUL WAR & POLITICAL NEWS.
I LOVE THE LAIDBACK LIFESTYLE & INSTANT FRIENDSHIPS WITH OTHER EXPAT ADVENTURERS. DRESSING UP MEANS WEARING FLIP FLOPS & A CLEAN TEESHIRT. EVERYTHING I LOVE TO DO, SWIM, SNORKEL, FISH, BEACHCOMB IS RIGHT AT MY BACK DOOR & IT’S FREE.

OR, ‘ WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN & GRANDCHILDREN?’

MY ANSWER IS:

THAT’S WHY GOD INVENTED AIRPLANES.
WHY BE HELD HOSTAGE BY YOUR FAMILY? BESIDES, NOW RELATIVES HAVE A CARIBBEAN ISLAND TO VISIT & CAN STAY WITH YOU FOR FREE. IT’S A 2 HOUR DIRECT FLIGHT FROM HOUSTON OR MIAMI RIGHT TO ROATAN. DELTA & CONTINENTAL HAVE STARTED FLYING, AMERICAN AIRLINES IS NEGOTIATING. THIS MEANS WITH COMPETITION, AIRFARES MIGHT COME DOWN.

I HAVE SEEN MORE CHANGE ON ROATAN BETWEEN 2005 & 2006 THAN I SAW FROM 2000 TO 2005. THIS IS GOOD FOR YOU AS INVESTORS.WITH MORE INFRASTUCTURE & CREATURE COMFORTS, BETTER ROADS (BELIEVE IT OR NOT) THERE ARE NOW MANY DEVELOPMENTS OF ALL KINDS TO CHOOSE FROM.

BASED ON MY PERSONAL RESEARCH, BEACHFRONT OR OCEANVIEW CARIBBEAN REAL ESTATE HISTORICALLY INCREASES IN VALUE @ A RATE OF 15%. MUCH BETTER THAN THE STOCK MARKET. I BOUGHT MY LITTLE FIXER-UPPER & 7 MONTHS LATER WITH NO IMPROVEMENTS AT ALL, I WAS OFFERED DOUBLE. MY ADVICE TO YOU, AS A PERSON WHO HAS BOUGHT BOTH RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL PROPERTY IS TO BUY “SOMETHING”, IF ONLY TO LANDBANK. I DON’T THINK THE PRICES ARE GOING TO GO DOWN.

DEVELOPERS

YOU WILL HERE THE EXPRESSION:

“ROATAN, A SUNNY PLACE, SOME SHADY PEOPLE.”

WHEN YOU ARE REAL ESTATE SHOPPING HERE, IT IS NO DIFFERENT THAN IT IS BACK HOME. AN ETHICAL DEVELOPER IS PROUD TO SHOW YOU HIS ENVIRONMENTAL PLANS, PERMITS IN PLACE, SPECIFICS OF CONSTRUCTION, COMMON AREAS, SEPTIC ISSUES & PRESERVATION OF OUR REEF. ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR EXPLANATIONS OF HOW THINGS WORK HERE. IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, ASK AGAIN. THE TOP NOTCH DEVELOPERS & BUILDERS HERE WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND & BE COMFORTABLE WITH MAKING A PURCHASE.
THERE ARE DEVELOPERS THAT ARE HERE TO MAKE A BAZILLION LEMPIRAS & LEAVE. THERE ARE OTHERS THAT DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. IMAGINE A DEVELOPER THAT PLANS TO CALL ROATAN HOME & ACTUALLY WILL LIVE IN HIS OWN DEVELOPMENT. ONE WHO QUIETLY VOLUNTEERS TO BUILD THE FIRST POLICE STATION ON WEST BAY BEACH.

DAN TAYLOR, DEVELOPER OF KEY HOLE BAY HAS NOT ONLY SET THE STANDARD FOR EXCELLENCE, BUT HAS ALSO RAISED THE BAR.

I HAD A ROATAN REALTOR CALLING ME CONSTANTLY BACK IN COLORADO, TRYING TO SELL ME A HOUSE IN HIS NEW DEVELOPMENT. WHEN WE LOOKED CLOSELY AT THE COMPUTER PHOTO, WE RECOGNIZED THE HOUSE. IT WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND IN ANOTHER DEVELOPMENT ALL TOGETHER! IF SOMEONE PRESSURES YOU ABOUT A “GREAT DEAL”, SAYS “HURRY”, THEY ARE SELLING FAST & THEY MIGHT BE ALL GONE IF YOU WAIT”, “SEND MONEY NOW,”

TEAR UP YOUR BANK WIRING INSTRUCTIONS, EAT THEM & RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.

LAWYERS
I AM ON MY 4TH & 5TH ATTORNEY. YOU NEED ONE TO WORK ON YOUR RESIDENCY, ANOTHER FOR LEGAL MATTERS THAT COME UP CONSTANTLY WHEN RUNNING A BUSINESS HERE & ANOTHER FOR REAL ESTATE CLOSINGS. I NEVER FOUND ONE THAT COULD DO ALL THREE.
I HAD 2 REQUIREMENTS:
THAT THE ATTORNEY SPOKE ENGLISH & RETURNED EMAILS IN A TIMELY MANNER. THAT WAS ENOUGH TO BE A CHALLENGE.

LET ME GIVE YOU A BIT OF ADVICE OF WHAT NOT TO DO.
“JORGE! I HAVE BEEN CALLING YOU & EMAILING YOU DAILY FOR 2 MONTHS! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? MY CLOSING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 6 WEEKS AGO! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CLOSED YOUR OFFICES FOR A MONTH FOR XMAS? ARE YOU OFF YOUR MEDICATION??
WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE MY PAPERWORK WENT? YUP.

EVERYTHING IS CHANGING SO RAPIDLY NOW, SOME OF WHAT I SUGGEST IS NOW MORE IMPORTANT KNOWLEDGE TO BE USED ON THE MAINLAND.
IT USED TO BE, UNTIL QUITE RECENTLY, THAT A VERY LIMP HANDSHAKE WAS USED BY MEN & BARELY TOUCHING FINGERS BY WOMEN. I FINALLY ASKED “IS EVERY MAN I MEET HERE, LIGHT ON THEIR FEET? WHY ARE THEY HORRIFIED BY MY FIRM GRIP?”

YOU WILL HEAR ISLANDERS REFERRING TO YOU AS A “GRINGO” OR “GRINGA”. THIS IS NOT DEROGATORY. IT SIMPLY MEANS THAT YOU ARE A WHITE, NONHONDURAN, SO DON’T BE INSULTED.

AS ANNOYING AS IT IS TO ME, THE LATIN MACHISMO IS VERY MUCH ALIVE TODAY. I ASK A QUESTION & THE GENTLEMAN IGNORES ME & GIVES HIS ANSWER TO TONY. FINALLY, TONY SAID TO ALL, LOOK WHOSE NAME IS OVER THE DOOR! PENELOPE’S ISLAND EMPORIUM. THIS IS NOT TONY’S PIZZA!

“SO I MUST DO BUSINESS DIRECTLY WITH PAY-NAY-LOW-PAY”? (Penelope)

THERE IS A GREAT BOOK ENTITLED “KISS, BOW OR SHAKE HANDS.” IF YOU INTEND TO DO BUSINESS HERE & ESPECIALLY ON THE MAINLAND IT GIVES FASCINATING INSIGHT & ALSO THE CORRECT ETIQUETTE TO USE HERE IN HONDURAS. JUST BY INQUIRING FIRST ABOUT A PERSON’S HEALTH, THEIR FAMILY & THE CONDITION OF THEIR FAVORITE SOCCER TEAM HAS ELEVATED ME IMMENSELY, EVEN THOUGH I AM STILL JUST A WOMAN.

IN 2000, MOST OF THE WOMEN WORE SKIRTS IN TOWN, WHILE BANKING & SHOPPING. THE OLDER LADIES WORE DEMURE HOUSE DRESSES & BONNETS, OR BALANCED LARGE ITEMS ON THEIR HEAD. YOU STILL SEE THAT OCCASIONALLY IN COXEN HOLE. YOU NEVER SEE AN ISLANDER IN SHORTS IN THE BANK…SPRAY PAINTED ON JEANS & SEXY TOPS, BUT NOT SHORTS. I ENJOY THE LOCAL CUSTOMS, SO I WEAR MY LITTLE SKIRT ON TRIPS TO COXEN HOLE AS WELL.

IT IS EXTREMELY RUDE TO POINT YOUR FINGER AT SOMEONE. AS VULGAR AS THE MOST RUDE WORD YOU CAN THINK OF. YOU WILL SEE AN ISLANDER WAG HIS FINGER BACK & FORTH IF HE SHOULD DISAGREE. SINCE POINTING IS RUDE, IF YOU ASK DIRECTIONS, THEY WILL HELP YOU ON YOUR WAY & POINT WITH THEIR PURSED LIPS. QUITE CHARMING.

WHAT IS THE MOST ANNOYING PART OF LIVING ON ROATAN??

GOING TO THE BANK!!

YOU WILL SEE LINES HALF WAY DOWN THE BLOCK WITH 50- 60 PEOPLE SWELTERING & WAITING TO CASH THEIR PAYCHECKS & PAY THEIR RECO ELECTRIC BILL & HONDUTEL PHONE BILLS. ACCOUNTANTS WILL BE PAYING SALES TAX EACH MONTH FOR EVERYONE OF THEIR CLIENTS. THE BANK EMPLOYEES TAKE THEIR LUNCH BREAKS VERY SERIOUSLY, SO THERE WILL BE ONLY ONE GIRL ON DUTY AT TIMES. THE WORST PART IS THAT WHEN YOU FINALLY INCH YOUR WAY UP TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE, YOU ARE NOT HOME FREE.
HONDURAN CUSTOM ALLOWS ANYONE IN THE THIRD LIFE (60 YEARS OF AGE) TO GO TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE, NO WAITING. SAME WITH PREGNANT WOMEN. ON MY FIRST TRIP TO THE BANK, I FINALLY MADE IT TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE WHEN PREGNANT WOMEN STARTED POPPING IN THE FRONT DOOR LIKE CHAMPAGNE CORKS. NOT ONLY THAT, THEY ARE PAID BY THEIR NEIGHBORS & FAMILIES TO DO ALL THEIR TRANSACTIONS TOO.

I HAVE THIS VEIN IN MY HEAD, THAT BEGINS THROBBING WHEN THINGS DO NOT HAPPEN QUICKLY ENOUGH FOR ME. AFTER WAITING 2 ½ HOURS STANDING IN LINE (THIS IS NO EXAGGERATION, JUST ASK ANYONE) I REALIZED I WAS NO LONGER A RECOVERING TYPE A, BUT AN EXPLODING TYPE A.

AFTER A FEW BANKING TRIPS, A SOLUTION PRESENTED ITSELF!
ONE DAY, TONY, WHO CERTAINLY IS NOT 60, BUT DOES HAVE SILVER HAIR & GLASSES, WAS INVITED TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE!!
MY POPPY, IS NOW THE BANK FRONT OF THE LINE STANDER!

YOU WILL NORMALLY OPEN AN AMERICAN DOLLAR SAVINGS ACCOUNT TO PROTECT YOUR MONEY FROM THE FALLING LEMPIRA & A LEMPIRA CHECKING ACCOUNT. THE EXCHANGE RATE TODAY IS 18.895 LEMPIRAS= 1 US DOLLAR, SO THE EASIEST WAY IS TO DIVIDE BY 20. YOU WILL NEED TO HAVE A RESIDENCY IN THE WORKS TO OPEN THESE ACCOUNTS & WE WILL GO OVER THIS LATER.

I HAVE TO SEND A MONTHLY CHECK BACK TO THE STATES. THIS REQUIRES EVERY MONTH THAT I WRITE A LETTER TO THE BANK HERE, REQUESTING THIS CHECK BE MADE OUT IN AMERICAN DOLLARS AND WAIT TO GIVE IT TO THE BANK MANAGER. I MUST THEN RETURN THE NEXT DAY & WAIT FOR THE CHECK, EVEN THOUGH IT’S THE SAME THING EVERY MONTH. I CAN’T CHANGE THIS, SO I HAVE LEARNED TO ACCEPT THIS & HAVE NOT HAD A STROKE YET.

PETS.

EVERYONE WANTS TO BRING THEIR PETS WITH THEM, EVEN IF THEY ONLY LIVE HERE PART OF THE YEAR. THE GOOD NEWS IS THERE IS NO QUARANTINE. YOU JUST NEED TO HAVE ALL YOUR SHOT RECORDS IN ORDER & A VET’S PHYSICAL NO OLDER THAN 10 DAYS OF ARRIVAL ON ROATAN. THE VET’S PHYSICAL FORM IS THEN OVERNITED TO THE DEPT OF AGRICULTURE IN GAINESVILLE, FL. THERE IS A MORATORIUM ON FLYING ANY ANIMALS WHEN THE AIRPORT TARMAC REACHES A CERTAIN TEMPERATURE, MAKING IT TOO HOT TO FLY IN CARGO. IF THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH PLANE CHANGES OR DELAYS, YOUR ANIMAL COULD BE IN VERY REAL DANGER. THE AIRLINES WON’T RISK IT, WHICH YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE. THERE IS AN EMBARGO ON FLYING PETS RIGHT NOW. IT SEEMS TO BE CYCLICAL, BASED ON NOTHING WHATSOEVER. SOME AIRLINES WILL ACCEPT THE TINY LITTLE ANKLE BITERS TO FLY UNDER YOUR SEAT IN SOFT CARRIERS. BUT THESE RULES CHANGE CONSTANTLY. BETTER TO ASK YOUR CHOICE OF AIRLINES WHEN THE TIME COMES.

WE HAVE 3 150 LB DOGS, A NEWFOUNDLAND, A LEONBERGER & A TIBETAN MASTIFF, WHICH WERE TOO BIG TO FLY, SO ALONG WITH A NORWEGIAN FOREST CAT & A MAINE COON, A 40 FOOT CONTAINER, A ONE TON CARGO VAN, WE ALL CAME BY FREIGHTER, BUT THAT IS ANOTHER ADVENTURE TALE FOR ANOTHER TIME.

IF YOU MOVE HERE, DO NOT BUY A BABY AMAZON PARROT DYING IN A SHOE BOX FROM LACK OF FOOD & WATER. IF YOU DO SAVE IT’S LIFE FOR $50, THESE SAME PEOPLE WILL AGAIN RAID THE PARROT NESTS, STEAL THE BABIES & CHOP A WING SO THEY CANNOT FLY AWAY. DO NOT BE PART OF THE PROBLEM. RATHER, TRY TO RESCUE PARROTS OR DOGS OR ANY ANIMAL IN NEED. IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO EXPORT PARROTS FROM HONDURAS. IT IS SERIOUS JAIL TIME. WE WERE SO FORTUNATE TO HAVE PUT THE WORD OUT & HAVE ADOPTED 2 WONDERFUL AMAZONS FROM A COUPLE WHO HAD TO RETURN TO THE STATES. LOTS OF PEOPLE ACQUIRE PARROTS, NOT KNOWING THEY HAVE THE IQ OF 5 YEAR OLDS & REQUIRE THE SAME AMOUNT OF CARE, AFFECTION & INTERACTION.


WE GET ASKED 20 TIMES A DAY THE SAME QUESTIONS ABOUT MOVING TO & LIVING ON ROATAN. WE LOVE TO HELP PEOPLE, BUT SOMETIMES WE ARE HOARSE AT THE END OF THE DAY. I HAVE DECIDED THAT AFTER WE GET THE SECOND SHOP OPEN ON WEST BAY BEACH, I AM GOING TO WRITE A SMALL BOOK ENTITLED:
“ROATAN FOR ROOKIES”
A SURVIVAL GUIDE DEDICATED TO ALL OF THOSE WHO THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING.
I WILL SELF PUBLISH SO THAT I CAN UPDATE EVERY 6 MONTHS THE EVER CHANGING RULES & LAWS OF RESIDING IN HONDURAS, OPENING A BUSINESS, RETIRING, IMPORTING, ETC.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, I HAVE AN EMAIL SIGN-UP SHEET ON OUR TABLE. I WILL NOTIFY YOU WHEN THE BOOK IS COMPLETED. THEN, IF YOU’D LIKE TO PURCHASE A COPY, I WILL EITHER SNAIL MAIL YOU THE BOOK OR SEND IT ELECTRONICALLY.

IF YOU DO TAKE THE PLUNGE & DECIDE TO MOVE HERE, EXPECT A LOT OF DOWNRIGHT DISBELIEF FROM YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS & BUSINESS COHORTS AND NO ONE HAS A CLUE WHERE HONDURAS IS.

“YOU’RE MOVING TO WAR TORN HONDURAS?? WHAT ABOUT THE SANDINISTAS??

WRONG COUNTRY, WRONG DECADE….

“THE CARIBBEAN…..THAT’S PART OF THE UNITED STATES, RIGHT?”

“YOU’RE SO BRAVE…”

“WHY? I CAN ALWAYS COME BACK!

ISLAND LIFE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

IT’S VERY HOT & HUMID HERE. ROATAN GETS ABOUT 90 INCHES OF RAIN BETWEEN NOVEMBER & THE BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY. SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE WALKING INSIDE A WARM WATERFALL.

WE HAVE MOSQUITOES & SANDFLIES HERE. YOU HAVE TO BE VIGILANT ABOUT REPELLENTS & KNOW THE INSECTS FEED AT DUSK & DAWN & ACT ACCORDINGLY.
THE BUGS WERE HERE FIRST.

THAT’S WHY IT’S CALLED THE TROPICS.”

THE OTHER DAY A MAN BURST INTO MY SHOP, RED & PERSPIRING, DEMANDING “WHEN DOES IT GET ANY COOLER?”

“AS YOU TRAVEL NORTH.”

THE CRUISERS ARE THE BEST.

ONE CUSTOMER LOOKED ME UP & DOWN & ASKED “WHATEVER POSSESSED YOU TO MOVE TO BELIZE??”

“I DON’T BELIEVE I HAVE MA’M.”

MY DAUGHTER TIFFANY, BLESS HER HEART, WOULDN’T LAST HERE 10 MINUTES.
WITHOUT TIVO, THE TV PAUSE THING, OR MISSING THE NEWEST EPISODE OF “LOST” BECAUSE OF A POWER OUTAGE, OR NOT BEING THE FIRST IN LINE EVERY TIME A NEW MOVIE IS RELEASED, & THERE’S NO MOVIE THEATRE HERE ANYWAY,

LIFE ON EARTH WOULD BE OVER AS WE KNOW IT.

I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I HANDED HER A 3 MINUTE EGG TIMER AS SHE WAS ABOUT TO TAKE A SHOWER. YOU HAVE TO CONSERVE WATER HERE. IN THE DRY SEASON, FORGET ABOUT FILLING YOUR JACUZZI BATHTUB BECAUSE YOU ARE FEELING STRESSED.
OR HOW ABOUT IF YOU SUDDENLY WANT CHINESE DELIVERY? WANT TO PLAY A ROUND OF GOLF? NEED A FIX OF SOME EXOTIC FAVORITE FOOD ON A WHIM? WANT TO DRIVE OVER TO THE MALL TO CHECK OUT THE NEW FASHIONS OR FOR WHATEVER YOU MIGHT NEED ON A MOMENTS’S NOTICE? SPEND SUNDAY EATING LOX & BAGELS READING THE WALL STREET JOURNAL?

MY DAUGHTER IS NOT ALL THAT DIFFERENT THAN THE REST OF US. WE HAVE BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO ALL THE LUXURIES, CONVENIENCES & INSTANT GRATIFICATION AVAILABLE IN THE STATES OR CANADA. SOME WOULD NOT BE COMFORTABLE LIVING HERE WITHOUT MUSEUMS, LIVE THEATRE, THE OPERA.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

MANY OF THESE LUXURIES WILL BE HERE IN THE FUTURE AS WE BABY BOOMERS DEMAND THEM, BUT THEY AREN’T HERE YET.

PERHAPS, LIKE ME, YOU CRAVE THE ADVENTURE OF LIVING ON AN EXOTIC ISLAND, IN THE TURQUOISE WATERS OF THE CARIBBEAN OCEAN, OFF THE COAST OF A NEW & DIFFERENT COUNTRY.
TONY & I SAT DOWN & BEGAN BRAINSTORMING. THIS WENT ON FOR MONTHS. WE AGREED, AS OUR LIVES GO ON THAT WE DO NOT WANT TO GIVE UP OUR COMFORTABLE WAY OF LIFE. IN OTHER WORDS, AT THIS POINT WE DON’T WANT TO HAVE OUR LIVES GET HARDER.

LITTLE THINGS, LIKE GIVING UP A DISHWASHER. WE DECIDED, I WILL COOK, TONY DOES THE DISHES. IT MAY SEEM SILLY, BUT SMALL INCONVENIENCES CAN CAUSE FRUSTRATIONS TO BUILD OVER TIME. IT TAKES TIME TO ADAPT, ESPECIALLY IN THE HOT TROPICS.

WE DECIDED, SINCE WE HAVE FREQUENT POWER OUTAGES HERE, A BACK-UP GENERATOR WAS A MUST. WE BROUGHT WITH US A WHOLE HOUSE 15 KILOWATT GENERATOR. YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED HOW MANY PEOPLE LIVING HERE DO NOT HAVE ONE. YOU MIGHT THINK:

“WELL, IT’S ROMANTIC, WE’LL LIGHT SOME CANDLES, CUDDLE IN THE HAMMOCK & ENJOY THE TRADEWINDS UNTIL THE POWER COMES BACK ON.”

THAT’S A NICE LITTLE SCENARIO.

THE REALITY WAS DRIVEN HOME BY WHAT HAPPENED DURING KATRINA, GAMMA & THE OTHER TROPICAL STORMS LAST YEAR.
ROATAN IS NOT IN HURRICANE ALLEY, BUT WE DO GET THE BACKLASH OF STRONG TROPICAL STORMS. DURING KATRINA, WE LOST POWER FOR 13 HOURS. THAT MEANS, IF YOU HAVE PREPARED CORRECTLY, YOUR WINDOWS ARE BOARDED UP & THERE IS NOT A BREATH OF AIR INSIDE YOUR HOUSE & YOU ARE SITTING INSIDE SWEATING TO DEATH IN THE DARK. YOU CAN’T FLUSH THE TOILET OR TAKE A SHOWER. THE REFRIGERATOR CONTENTS BEGIN TO SPOIL & THE FREEZER IS LEAKING WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR . YOU CAN’T GO OUTSIDE BECAUSE OF THE GAIL FORCE WINDS & COCONUT PROJECTILES.

I SHOULDN’T HAVE EXPERIENCED ALL THIS BECAUSE WE BROUGHT OUR $5000 GENERATOR WITH US. IT WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE DURING ALL THE TROPICAL STORMS ON IT’S CUTE LITTLE CONCRETE PAD DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. YOU SEE THE FLORIDA COMPANY FAILED TO SEND THE $500 WIRE HARNESS INCLUDED WITH THE ORDER, JUST NEVER PUT IT ON THE PALLET FOR SHIPMENT. WHEN YOU MOVE TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY, YOUR NEGOTIATING ABILITIES DIMINISH, FORGET ABOUT WARRANTIES TOO. AFTER FIGHTING FOR MONTHS THE ONLY OPTION WAS TO PAY FOR ANOTHER ONE. MORE WEEKS UNTIL IT ARRIVED. THEN ALL THE ELECTRICIANS (4) WERE BUSY. MONTHS WENT BY. OUR FRIENDS BACK IN THE STATES WERE SHOCKED THAT THE PRICE TO HOOK THE THING UP WAS $1000. FINALLY, BY SHEER LUCK WE FOUND A YOUNG MASTER ELECTRICIAN ON THE MAINLAND WHO DID AMERICAN QUALITY WORK. OSMAN BOUGHT ALL THE PARTS FOR HALF THE ROATAN PRICES, CAME OVER BY FERRY WITH HIS INTERPRETOR, STAYED AT OUR HOUSE, I FED THEM & THEY DID A GRAND JOB FOR MUCH LESS THAN THE ISLAND ELECRICIANS. WE HAD OUR GENERATOR RUNNING, HUMMING ALONG FOR 3 WEEKS & FELT SO SMUG WHEN OUR SIDE OF THE ISLAND PLUNGED INTO DARKNESS & WE WERE LIT UP LIKE A XMAS TREE.
DURING THE LAST SERIES OF OUTAGES, WHEN RECO, THE ELECTRIC COMPANY CAME BACK ON, THE POWER SURGED, BROWNED OUT & FRIED THE GENERATOR TRANSFER SWITCH.
AFTER WEEKS OF WAITING, WE NOW HAVE THE REPLACEMENT $575 TRANSFER SWITCH, PLUS SHIPPING & DUTY & MUST ARRANGE TO BRING THE BOYS BACK OVER FROM LA CEIBA. THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE IS TO PREVENT THIS FROM HAPPENING AGAIN.

ANOTHER FACT WE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT, LIVING ON AN ISLAND, IS OF COURSE WE KNOW MOST EVERYTHING IS IMPORTED & THEREFORE IS MORE EXPENSIVE, BUT NEVER GAVE A THOUGHT TO GASOLINE. WHEN THE STORMS HIT, THE GASOLINE BOATS COULDN’T COME IN. WE ALL RAN OUT OF GAS. MY GIRLS COULDN’T GET TO WORK BECAUSE THE CABS HAD NO GAS. THE ISLAND WAS PARALYZED. LIFE CAME TO A STANDSTILL FOR DAYS.

ISLAND LIVING IS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

PREPARING FOR THE BIG MOVE IS CHANGING FAST TOO. ALL YOU EVER HEARD ABOUT A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO WERE DIRE WARNINGS OF ALL THE THINGS YOU WILL NEVER GET TO ENJOY HERE, SO BRING THEM WITH YOU. ON THE FINAL PACK, BEFORE MOVING DAY, I WAS FILLING MY SUITCASE WITH A YEAR’S SUPPLY OF UNDERWEAR & STUFFING IN JARS, CANS & TUBES OF ANCHOVIES, WASABI, SAUERKRAUT & HORSERADISH. HOW COULD I EVER LIVE WITHOUT THEM!!?? ONCE WE ARRIVED ON ROATAN & SETTLED IN, WE WENT GROCERY SHOPPING….ALL THOSE ITEMS & MORE WERE ON THE SHELVES. I FELT BOTH RELIEVED & A LITTLE SAD.
CHANGE.



ONCE YOU HAVE MADE THE MOVE, THE NEXT QUESTION IS, “HOW DO I GET STUFF HERE?”
FOR ENVELOPE MAIL WE USE ROATAN AIR SERVICES. GIL GARCIA DOES A GREAT JOB & HE WILL BE SPEAKING TO YOU ABOUT HIS SERVICE.
FOR BOXES, SUPPLIES, THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO RUN A BUSINESS SUCH AS OURS, YOU USE A SHIPPING COMPANY. WE HAVE A SHIPPING ADDRESS OUT OF MIAMI & WHATEVER WE HAVE ORDERED GETS SENT TO THE SHIPPER THERE. IT THEN COMES BY BOAT. WHEN THE FREIGHTER FINALLY ARRIVES ON ROATAN, YOU TAKE ALL YOUR RECEIPTS, PAY PER PALLET & THEN THE CUSTOMS INSPECTOR TAKES YOUR INVOICES & TALLIES THE DUTY YOU OWE. IT IS NOT CHEAP, BUT IT IS THE COST OF DOING BUSINESS.
NOW THAT CAFTA HAS BEEN VOTED IN, THE BAY ISLANDS ARE SUPPOSED TO BECOME A DUTY FREE PORT. WE DON’T KNOW WHEN THAT WILL HAPPEN BUT IT WILL BE HUGE. FROM WHAT WE UNDERSTAND, FOR EXAMPLE, WITH OUR JEWELRY PURCHASES, IF THEY ARE MADE IN THE UNITED STATES, WE WILL RECEIVE A DOCUMENT UPON PURCHASE & IT SHOULD ARRIVE DUTY FREE. RIGHT NOW OUR IMPORT FEE IS 35% FOR JEWELRY, A REAL KILLER TO THE BOTTOM LINE. YOU WILL STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THE FREIGHT & DUTY FROM ANY OTHER COUNTRY. WHEN YOU BRING INVENTORY INTO HONDURAS, YOU MUST PAY DUTY ON THE ITEMS & THEY MUST BE CATAGORIZED AS BEING FOR RESALE. DUTY HERE IS STIFF. IF YOU BRING ITEMS IN FOR RESALE UNDER THE DUTY CATEGORY FOR “HOUSEHOLD GOODS”, IT WILL COST YOU ONLY 15% DUTY .
WHEN THE TAX RAIDS HIT FROM THE MAINLAND & THEY SEE THAT YOU HAVE NOT PAID THE CORRECT DUTY ON YOUR RESALE ITEMS, THEY WILL SHUT YOU DOWN FOR A MONTH FOR ILLEGALLY IMPORTING CONTRABAND & YOU WILL FACE JAIL TIME OR PAY A FINE UP TO $5000 ON THE FIRST CONVICTION.

THE ONLY GOOD NEWS IN ALL THIS, IS THAT YOUR DUTY ON RESALE ITEMS IS TAX DEDUCTIBLE ON YOUR INCOME TAX, PLUS YOU ARE PROVING YOU ARE FOLLOWING THE RULES, WHICH THE GOVERNMENT LIKES A LOT.




CRIME

OF COURSE THERE’S CRIME. WE HUMANS DO THAT TO THE PLACE WE DECIDE TO CALL PARADISE. REMEMBER THE OLD EAGLE’S SONG, “THE LAST RESORT?” CALL SOME PLACE PARADISE, KISS IT GOODBY? IF WE MOVE TO THE MOON, OPPORTUNISTS WILL GET THERE IF THEY THINK MONEY IS AVAILABLE & CRIME THEN FOLLOWS. FOR THE MOST PART, WE ARE EXPERIENCING CRIMES OF OPPORTUNITY.

FREQUENTLY TOURISTS FORGET TO CHECK THEIR BRAIN WITH THEIR LUGGAGE. PEOPLE ARRIVE ON OUR ISLAND, THEY FALL IN LOVE WITH PARADISE & GO SNORKLING LEAVING THEIR EXPENSIVE DIGITAL CAMERA, ROLEX & $600 IN CASH LAYING ON THE BEACH.

HONDURAS IS ONE OF THE POOREST COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD & NOW THAT THERE ARE MASSIVE DEVELOPMENTS COMING IN & OVER 30 CRUISE SHIPS A MONTH IN SEASON, OF COURSE CRIME WILL FOLLOW. IT COSTS $13 TO TAKE THE FERRY FROM THE MAINLAND. THESE PEOPLE ARE POURING ONTO THE ISLAND IN HOPE OF EMPLOYMENT OR QUICK CASH.
JUST LIKE AT HOME, HAVE A HEIGHTENED SENSE OF AWARENESS, KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.

THINK ABOUT THIS, BACK HOME, WOULD YOU WANDER INTO THE BAD NEIGHBORHOODS AT NIGHT? GET LOUD, DRUNK, FLASH MONEY AROUND IN THE LATE HOURS? WHAT WOULD LIKELY HAPPEN? IT’S THE SAME HERE. IT’S THE SAME EVERYWHERE.

WE NOW HAVE A PROBLEM AT THE CRUISE SHIP DOCK WITH BEGGING. DON’T GIVE MONEY TO BEGGING CHILDREN. YOU ONLY CONVINCE THE PARENTS NOT TO SEND THEM TO SCHOOL. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM WHEN YOU DO THAT. CHILDREN CAN GO TO SCHOOL FOR FREE IF THEY HAVE A UNIFORM. MANY CAN’T AFFORD ONE. YOU CAN HELP BY GOING TO THE THRIFT SHOPS BACK HOME & BUYING THE SCHOOL CLOTHES FOR THEM & SHIP THEM DOWN. MANY DO & IT MAKES A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN A CHILD’S FUTURE.

WHAT STUFF COSTS
A WONDERFUL MAID TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE,COOK, DO LAUNDRY, IRON YOUR CLOTHES, WALK THE DOG IS $15 FOR A FULL DAY, 7:30 TO 3:30. The $15 INCLUDES LUNCH & CABFARE.

A GARDENER/ HANDYMAN IS $10 A DAY. THIS IS GOOD MONEY HERE. IF YOU OVER PAY, YOU WILL ONLY MAKE THE PRICES GO UP.

AS OF LAST FRIDAY, HERE ARE THE VARIOUS COSTS:
LARGE AVACADO 50 CENTS

THE FRUIT & VEGGIE TRUCKS ARE REALLY GREAT. ALL THE PRODUCE IS FROM HERE OR GUATAMALA. THE ONLY THING TO KEEP IN MIND IS THAT BECAUSE THERE ARE NO PRESERVATIVES & CHEMICALS USED ON THE FRUITA & VERDURAS, YOU HAVE TO EAT WHAT YOU BUY PRETTY MUCH THE SAME DAY. YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE HOW DELICIOUS THEY TASTE.

LOBSTER: $6.35 PER POUND.

PLEASE BUY ONLY THE BIG LOBSTERS. BUYING SMALL ONES ENCOURAGES SOME TO POUR BLEACH DOWN THE LOBSTER HOLES TO FORCE THE BABIES UP. OVER TIME, OBVIOUSLY THERE WOULD BE NO MORE LOBSTER HERE.
I WAS STILL LOOKING FOR THAT $1 LOBSTER IL PROMISED ME A FEW YEARS BACK, UNTIL JANINE EXPLAINED THAT WAS THE ONE I WAS SUPPOSED TO CATCH MYSELF………..AH HAH!

IT IS OK TO BUY SEAFOOD FROM THE VENDERS ON THE STREET. JUST CHECK THAT ALL THE SHRIMP ARE THE SAME SIZE, IN OTHER WORDS MAKES SURE THAT YOUR PACKAGE DOESN’T HAVE ONLY BIG ONES ON THE TOP & THE REST ARE TINY.
MEDIUM SIZE CAMARONES, SHRIMP ARE $4.80 A POUND.

FISH FILLETS:
GROUPER, RED SNAPPER, MAHI MAHI, YELLOWTAIL, THE DELICIOUS LOCAL HOG FISH
$5.00 PER POUND, FRESH CAUGHT OR FLASH FROZEN.

WE HAVE A FANTASTIC LARGE CRAB HERE CALLED SPIDER CRAB, LOOKS A LOT LIKE ALASKAN KING CRAB – GOES FOR $2.65 A LB.

GASOLINE IS $4.12 FOR REGULAR, A LITTLE LESS FOR DEISAL.


. IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT MOVING TO ROATAN OR JUST INVESTING, I SUGGEST YOU SUBSCRIBE TO ROATAN@YAHOOGROUPS.COM. IT IS AN ONLINE ROATAN DISCUSSION LIST GROUP. WE CALL IT THE CHATLINE, THOUGH IN FACT IT IS NOT A TRUE CHATLINE. I MONITORED IT DAILY FOR ONE & A HALF YEARS & HAD EVERY SINGLE QUESTION ANSWERED OR WAS LED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION ON WHO TO CONTACT. YOU WILL ALSO FIND OUT WHICH BUILDERS ARE POPULAR, WHAT COMPANY IS DOING A BAD JOB & WHAT PENELOPE’S ISLAND EMPORIUM HAS FOR SALE. YOU WILL SEE POSTS ABOUT EVERYTHING FROM RESIDENCY, PETS, CONTAINERS, HEALTH INSURANCE, HOW TO KEEP YOUR SALT DRY, YOU NAME IT. A LOT OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM ARE GROANING THAT I AM TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS CHATLINE, AS YOU WILL ALSO READ BAD NEWS THAT MANY DO NOT WISH YOU TO READ ABOUT OR HEAR. LET ME EXPLAIN.

WHAT HAPPENS ON ANY SMALL ISLAND IS THAT WE ALL KNOW OR KNOW OF EACH OTHER. BECAUSE IT IS A SMALL CLOSE KNIT COMMUNITY, BAD NEWS GETS BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION. ALSO, YOU WILL QUICKLY NOTICE THAT SEVERAL INDIVIDUALS GO ON A RANT ABOUT LITTLE OR NOTHING, AD NAUSEAUM….TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS….GOSSIP RUNS RAMPANT HERE AS IN ANY SMALL TOWN. SO ONCE YOU ARE BACK HOME & YOU READ ON THE CHAT LINE SOMETHING THAT TROUBLES YOU, DON’T BE ALARMED. SIMPLY REREAD YOUR OWN MORNING NEWSPAPERS. THAT SHOULD PUT THINGS INTO PROSPECTIVE FOR YOU.

WE WENT ON A BUYING TRIP BACK IN NOVEMBER. WE HAD ONLY LEFT THE EXCITED STATES FOR 7 MONTHS, SO THE TRANSITION WAS UNREMARKABLE. THE ONLY THINGS I NOTICED WAS HOW NICELY & POLITELY EVERONE WAS DRIVING ON THE FREEWAY & EVERYONE STAYED ON THEIR SIDE OF THE ROAD! THE OTHER REVELATION WAS AFTER 7 MONTHS OF WEARING FLIPFLOPS, MY SNEAKERS DIDN’T FIT. I
SPENT A WEEK RUNNING AROUND IN MY SOCKS.

.

YOU MAY NOTICE THINGS IN HONDURAS THAT ARE A BIT DIFFERENT THAN HOME.

CLOCKS GAIN 15 MINUTES EVERY DAY HERE. SOMETHING ABOUT POWER SURGES & BROWN OUTS. MY NEW FRIEND DEB SAID “I THOUGHT MY OLD ALARM CLOCK HAD GONE HAYWIRE.”

ON THE MAINLAND, WHILE DRIVING, I NOTICED A STOP SIGN & A TRAFFIC LIGHT AT THE SAME INTERSECTION. I ASKED JUST WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?……”.WHATEVER YA WANT LADY.”

THE SECURITY THAT IS USED IN BIG CITIES ARE AN ARMED GUARD PRESENCE. WE WERE STUCK IN TRAFFIC IN A TOTAL GRIDLOCK, NOT A VEHICLE MOVING IN ANY DIRECTION. I LOOKED OVER AT A LARGE BANK & THERE ON THE ROOF OF THE BANK WERE 2 UNIFORMED GUARDS WITH MACHINE GUNS & ANOTHER 2 AT THE BANK’S FRONT DOORS. I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS FOR A WHILE, SITTING IN THIS HUGE TRAFFIC JAM.
“OK, A BANK ROBBER MANAGES TO CHARGE INTO THE BANK, HOLD UP THE BANK TELLERS, RUN OUT WITH THE DOUGH, WITHOUT GETTING SHOT & JUMPS INTO THE GET AWAY CAR. HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET OUT OF THE PARKING LOT?”

YESTERDAY, MY CELL PHONE WOULD ONLY CALL OTHER CELL PHONES, NOT A HARD LINE PHONE. WE WERE OUT OF TOUCH WITH OUR SHOP FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. THERE ARE AREAS ON THE ISLAND THAT ARE TOTAL DEAD SPOTS. IF YOU ARE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO MUST BE IN CONSTANT COMMUNICATION, I SUGGEST YOU STAY WITHING EARSHOT.

ONCE YOU’VE LIVED HERE FOR A WHILE, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT YOUR PERCEPTIONS ABOUT LIFE BEGIN TO CHANGE.

DURING THE WEEK OF SEMANA SANTA, EASTER WEEK, OR WHAT MERCHANTS CALL HOLY HELL WEEK, I HAPPENED TO BE DRIVING THROUGH COXEN HOLE. BY THE FERRY, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, I WATCHED 2 RATHER RUBINESQUE, ZOFTIC HONDURAN WOMEN STRUGGLING UP AN EXTENSION LADDER TO BREAK INTO A LOCAL HOTEL ROOM. THE ONLY THOUGHT THAT CROSSED MY MIND WAS “I WONDER WHERE THEY ‘BORROWED’ THAT GREAT LOOKING LADDER?

OR JUST THE OTHER DAY, I TOLD TONY “I JUST SAW A GREAT LOOKING TRUCK FOR SALE, IT ONLY HAD ONE BULLET HOLE!”

WELL, I AM NOW ABOUT TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT OPENING A BUSINESS IN HONDURAS IS A GREAT ADVENTURE TOO AND ONE THAT REQUIRES PATIENCE, TENACITY & NERVES OF STEEL.

1) WHEN YOU DECIDE TO OPEN A BUSINESS HERE, THE FIRST REQUIREMENT IS THAT YOU HAVE YOUR RESIDENCY CARD OR A CONSTANZIA. A CONSTANZIA VERY SIMPLY PUT, IS A DOCUMENT THAT IS ISSUED MEANING THAT YOU HAVE APPLIED FOR YOUR RESIDENCY, YOUR PAPER WORK HAS BEEN RECEIVED, THAT YOU ARE IN THE WORKS. THIS DOCUMENT IS STAPLED INTO YOUR PASSPORT.

ONCE YOU HAVE YOUR CONSTANZIA,
2) YOU THEN MUST ESTABLISH YOURSELF AS AN INDIVIDUAL BUSINESS OWNER OR A CORPORATION.
IF YOU CHOOSE TO ESTABLISH A CORPORATION, THE CORPORATION IS LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BUSINESS, NOT YOU PERSONALLY. YOU WORK FOR THE CORPORATION & THE CORPORATION PAYS YOU A SALARY.
A CORPORATION MUST PAY YEARLY HONDURAN INCOME TAXES AT 25% OF THE NET PROFIT.
I HAVE CHOSEN TO COME IN AS AN INVESTOR RESIDENT. THIS IS THE SAME AS AN INDIVIDUAL BUSINESS OWNER. AN INVESTOR RESIDENT MUST INVEST AT LEAST $50,000 IN HONDURAS. THIS CAN BE A CREDIT FROM THE HOME OR COMMERCIAL BUSINESS YOU PURCHASED. YOU THEN MUST OPEN A BUSINESS THAT PROMOTES TOURISM & HIRE HONDURAN EMPLOYEES. FOR DOING THIS, I RECEIVE A TEN YEAR TAX HOLIDAY.
WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT SALES TAX. EVERYONE MUST PAY SALES TAX. IT IS 12% ON GOODS & 16% ON HOTEL & RESORT STAYS. WE MUST COLLECT IT, IT IS THE LAW, WE SURE DON’T GET TO KEEP IT.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT INCOME TAX. THE INCOME TAX YEAR ENDS APRIL 30TH.
THE TAX BREAK WORKS DOWN TO THIS:
ON MY BUSINESSES NET PROFIT FOR THE YEAR
FROM 0 TO 70,000 LEMPIRAS, OR $3705.00 I AM TAX EXEMPT.
RIGHT OFF THE TOP I AM GIVEN A 20,000 LEMPIRA CREDIT ($1000.00) FOR MEDICAL EXPENSES, WHETHER I SPENT IT OR NOT. THIS IS AN AUTOMATIC CREDIT.
FROM THERE IT IS A SLIDING SCALE. I PRINTED OUT THE CHART IN THE HAND-OUT FOR THOSE THAT MAY NEED THIS INFORMATION.

WE HAVE A RENT TAX OF 12%. THAT 12% IS CREDITED AGAINST OUR SALES TAX MONTHLY.
WE PAY $20 A MONTH FOR A WATER BILL. I DON’T HAVE A BATHROOM OR SINK, BUT I HAVE A WATER BILL. EVERYBODY DOES.

OK, SO WE HAVE OUR RESIDENCY OR CONSTANZIA, WE HAVE DECIDED IF WE WANT TO BE A CORPORATION OR AN INVESTOR RESIDENT,
3) THE NEXT STEP IS YOUR RTN NUMBER, OR TAX CARD. THIS IS YOUR RESALE NUMBER.
YOU WILL NEED A COPY OF YOUR PASSPORT OR RESIDENCY CARD, AND A PAID PUBLIC BILL IN YOUR NAME, SUCH AS A PHONE OR LIGHT BILL. YU WILL PAY A 600 LP FEE – WHICH IS $32. THEY WILL TELL YOU YOUR RTN WILL BE READY IN 3 TO 4 BUSINESS DAYS. COUNT ON A WEEK TO 10.

4) YOU NOW CAN APPLY FOR YOUR INDIVIDUAL BUSINESS LICENSE. THIS IS A DOCUMENT ISSUED BY YOUR LAWYER THAT YOU ARE AUTHORIZED TO OPEN & OPERATE A BUSINESS. WITH THIS DOCUMENT YOU MUST SUPPLY A COPY OF YOUR PASSPORT & IT NEEDS TO STATE WHAT TYPE OF BUSINESS YOU ARE OPENING & WHAT THE NAME OF THE BUSINESS IS.
A NICE OPTION HERE, SIMILAR TO THE STATES IS THAT YOU CAN STATE WHATEVER TYPES OF BUSINESSES YOU MIGHT LIKE TO OPEN, EITHER NOW OR IN THE FUTURE, MEANING MORE THAN ONE. WE HOPE TO SOME DAY SELL OUR JEWELRY BUSINESS, RETIRE, BUILD & RUN A B & B. SO WE HAVE BEEN ISSUED ONE LICENSE FOR ALL. THAT WAY, DOWN THE ROAD, YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS FALDERAL AGAIN, WITH DIFFERENT RULES & HIGHER FEES.
YOUR BUSINESS LICENSE WILL COST 2500 LPS ($133) FOR AN INVESTOR RESIDENT & 3500 LPS ($186) FOR A CORPORATION.

5) YOU ARE NOW READY TO APPLY FOR YOUR PERMIT AT THE MUNICIPALITY. YOU MUST TAKE ALL OF THE DOCUMENTS WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT & TELL THEM YOU WOULD LIKE TO OPEN A BUSINESS. THE PEOPLE AT THE MUNICIPALITY WILL THEN OPEN A FILE FOR YOU. THE FEE FOR THIS DEPENDS ON WHAT TYPE OF BUSINESS YOU WISH TO OPEN. FOR EXAMPLE A RESTAURANT & BAR PERMIT COSTS 9000 LPS OR $476.00.
BEFORE THE PERMIT CAN BE ISSUED YOUR PREMISES MUST BE INSPECTED & YOU MUST SUBMIT PHOTOS OF YOUR SIGNAGE, THE EXTERIOR & INTERIOR OF YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS TO INSURE YOU ARE NOT SELLING DEADLY BOMBS OR GERM WARFARE.

BESIDES YOUR PERMIT YOU HAVE MONTHLY FEES WHICH COVER THE FIRE DEPT, WATER SYSTEM, ENVIRONMENTAL SYSTEM & A GAGGLE MORE. YOU CAN PAY MONTHLY OR YEARLY. I PREFER TO GET IT OVER WITH & PAY YEARLY. YOU MUST ALSO RENEW YOUR PERMIT YEARLY.

KEEP IN MIND, ALL OF THESE STEPS REQUIRE LONG, HOT, LINES & MANY, MANY HOURS & DAYS. OFFICES CLOSE FOR 2 HOURS FOR LUNCH & MORE LEGAL HOLIDAYS THAN YOU CAN BELIEVE. FORGET TRYING TO DO ANY BUSINESS FOR THE MONTH OF DECEMBER OR THE WEEK BEFORE & THE WEEK OF EASTER. PEOPLE GET PAID ON THE FIRST & THE 15TH OF THE MONTH, SO THERE ARE LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE IN LINE. AVOID THOSE DAYS LIKE THE PLAGUE.

6) NOW, YOU HAVE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO SURVIVE ALL THIS & YOU ARE NOW ALLOWED TO OPEN THAT BUSINESS.
IT IS A GOVERNMENT REQUIREMENT THAT YOU HAVE A PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT. THE ACCOUNTANT HAS A 4 YEAR DEGREE. HIS OR HER JOB IS TO ADVISE YOU, BUT MAINLY TO INSURE THE GOVERNMENT THAT YOU ARE PAYING YOUR SALES TAX & FILING INCOME TAX. WHAT YOU ARE ACCUSTOMED TO HAVING YOUR ACCOUNTANT DO BACK HOME DOES NOT APPLY HERE. HE WORKS FOR THE GOVERNMENT & YOU WILL PAY $100 TO $150 A MONTH FOR HIS SERVICES.
I HOPE YOU CAN ALL LEARN A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM MY EXPERIENCE THROUGH THIS BLUR OF EVENTS. WHEN I GOT TO THIS POINT, HIRED MY ACCOUNTANT I FOUND AFTER A COUPLE OF MONTHS THAT HE HAD DONE EVERYTHING WRONG & I HAD PAID DEARLY FOR ALL HIS MISTAKES.I TOLD THE SECOND ACCOUNTANT THAT I WISHED TO DO BUSINESS AS I HAVE DONE IN THE STATES. I ALWAYS PAY MY TAXES & RUN A LEGITIMATE HONEST BUSINESS, THE ONLY WAY I COULD EVER SLEEP AT NIGHT. EMIL WAS ECSTATIC.

“OK, EMIL, I WILL EMAIL YOU MY EXCEL DATABASE SPREADSHEET MONTHLY. I ENTER ALL THE SALES DAILY & BREAK IT DOWN BY CREDIT CARD, TRAVELER’S CHECKS & CASH. THEN YOU CAN COMPUTE THE MONTHLY SALES TAX.”

“WE CAN’T DO THAT.”

“WHY NOT? I’VE DONE ALL THE WORK FOR YOU. YOU JUST CALCULATE THE FIGURES. IT WILL BE FINE.”

“IT WILL NOT BE FINE. WE DON’T USE COMPUTERS. I HAVE TO HAVE ALL THE PAPER RECEIPTS & BILLS & BEES ENTERIN THEM IN BY HAND.”
“WELL, WHAT ABOUT IF I……..”
“NO.”
“HOW ABOUT IF WE……..”
“NO”

“WELL WHY NOT????????”

“BECAUSE IT BEES FORBIDDEN.”

NOW, EMIL PULLS OUT ANTIQUE BANK JOURNALS, STRAIGHT OUT OF AN OLD JOHN WAYNE WESTERN.
“FOR BIG RESORTS & SUCH IT TAKES 7 JOURNALS. FOR A SMALL SHOP LIKE YOURS, YOU ARE ONLY REQUIRED TO HAVE 3.
“THREE??”
WE MUST RECORD BY HAND IN 3 JOURNALS: THE PURCHASE JOURNAL, THE SALES JOURNAL & THE EXPENSE JOURNAL. YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THE JOURNALS, ALSO.
THE ONLY EXPENSES THAT CAN BE CREDITED ARE HONDURAN EXPENSES. ALL INVOICES MUST BE FROM THIS COUNTRY. THE FACTURA OR RECEIPT YOU SUBMIT MUST HAVE THE RTN NUMBER ON IT OR IT WILL NOT BE A VALID EXPENSE. IF YOU ARE TAKING A BUSINESS TRIP, IT IS ONLY ALLOWED AS A DEDUCTION IF YOU PAY FOR THE TICKETS, HOTELS, RENTAL CARS FROM HERE. KISS YOUR FREQUENT FLYER MILES GOOD-BY IF YOU NEED HONDURAN BUSINESS DEDUCTIONS.

YOUR SALES RECEIPT BOOKS ARE A BIG DEAL HERE. WE THOUGHT, HOW ARE WE GOING TO FIND THEM, SO WE BOUGHT 1000 RECEIPT BOOKS ON EBAY. THEN, ONCE HERE, I HAD A STAMP MADE UP WITH NAME OF BUSINESS, ADDRESS & RESALE NUMBER. FINE, RIGHT?
NOT FINE.
YOUR ACCOUNTANT REQUESTS YOUR SALES RECEIPT BOOKS FROM THE GOVERNMENT & THEY ARE PRINTED UP THEIR WAY. GOD HELP YOU IF THE RECEIPTS ARE NOT SEQUENTIAL BY RECEIPT NUMBER & DATE….OK…
IF YOU CLOSE YOUR BUSINESS, YOUR ACCOUNTANT SENDS ALL YOUR DOCUMENTS IN WITH A NOTIFICATION TO THE GOVERNMENT. YOU MUST FILE YOUR INCOME TAXES ON THE DAY OF CLOSING.

TO SELL YOUR BUSINESS, YOUR ACCOUNTANT COMPUTES THE CAPITAL GAINS, SENDS ALL THE SALES DOCUMENTS INTO THE GOVERNMENT AGENCY & NOTIFIES THEM AS OF THE DATE OF SALE.

NOW, DURING ALL THIS MAD DASHING ABOUT, WE ARE TRYING TO GET OUR HARD LINE PHONE LINES RUN TO THE SHOP & A FAX & CREDIT CARD LINE INSTALLED. NORMALLY IT IS A SIMPLE PHONE CALL, RIGHT? NOT HERE. WE HEARD HORROR STORIES OF BUSINESSES WAITING FOR 5 YEARS FOR A CREDIT CARD PHONE LINE. WE GOT OURS IN 6 WEEKS. NO ONE BELIEVED US. NO ONE ALSO BELIEVED THAT MR CHARMING TONY, WENT TO THE HONDUTEL PHONE COMPANY EVERY SINGLE DAY TO SAY HELLO , PLEASANTLY STICK HIS FACE IN THEIRS & NEVER LOST HIS PATIENCE, TEASED WITH THE GIRLS, SHOT THE BREEZE, SCHMOOZED, WHILE I REMAINED AT HOME DOUBLING UP ON MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICATION & BREAKING THINGS. IT WORKED.

SOMETHING YOU MUST GET USED TO & ADVISE YOUR CUSTOMERS, ALL CREDIT CARD TRANSACTIONS ARE IN LEMPIRAS, SO YOU NEED TO GET COMFORTABLE WRITING UP RECEIPTS IN LPS. YOU SHOULD ADVISE YOUR CUSOMERS THE CHARGE WILL APPEAR ON THEIR CREDIT CARD STATEMENT IN LEMPIRAS, SO THEY DON’T HAVE HEART FAILURE. BECAUSE THE POWER GOES OFF FREQUENTLY, YOU MUST MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A CREDIT CARD SWIPER & KNOW HOW TO CALL IT IN. IF YOU DON’T YOU WILL LOSE THE SALE.

SOMETHING UNIQUE TO ROATAN HAPPENED TO US WHEN WE MOVED HERE. NO ONE WANTED TO TAKE CREDIT CARDS, A BIG MISCONCEPTION THAT THE CREDIT CARDS TAKE SO MUCH MONEY IN TRANSACTION FEES IT WASN’T WORTH IT & THE CREDIT CARD COMPANIES TOOK FOREVER TO PAY. ALL OF THAT INFORMATION IS TOTALLY INCORRECT. THE CREDIT CARD COMPANIES CHARGE A 4% TRANSACTION FEE. YOU SIMPLY BUILD THAT INTO YOUR COST OF GOODS. THE CREDIT CARD REPORT IS DONE AT THE END OF THE DAY, ELECTRONICALLY & THE FUNDS ARE IN YOUR BUSINESS ACCOUNT THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY.
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT OTHER BUSINESSES, BUT WE ARE CATERING TO TOURISTS WHO TRAVEL BY PLANE & BY CRUISE SHIP. WE ALL KNOW WHEN WE TRAVEL WE CARRY A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF CASH WE ARE COMFORTABLE WITH FOR THE LENGTH OF OUR TRAVELS. IF ROATAN IS THE FIST ISLAND STOP, CUSTOMERS ARE AFRAID TO SPEND ALL THEIR CASH BECAUSE THEY HAVE SEVERAL OTHER ISLAND STOPS COMING. THE CUSTOMER FLYING, USUALLY DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND ALL THE CASH UNTIL THE LAST DAY. WITH FINE JEWELRY, THE MAGIC NUMBER SEEMS TO COME AT $100. WE THEN HEAR, “DO YOU TAKE CREDIT CARDS?’ MY STANDARD ANSWER IS “WE TAKE IT ANY WAY WE CAN.” SO NOT TAKING CREDIT CARDS IS ABSOLUTELY STUPID IN MY OPINION.

OUR CUSTOMERS THANK US FOR MAKING THEIR SHOPPING EXPERIENCE AN EASY & PLEASANT ONE.

SO, FINALLY HAVING MADE OUR WAY THROUGH THE MAZE OF PAPERWORK, WE FINISHED OUR BUILD-OUT & WERE READY FOR OUR GRAND OPENING, MAY 2ND 2005. THAT DAY I WAS HOME WITH MY NEW FRIEND, A FRENCH CHEF & WE WERE MAKING APPETIZERS GALORE FOR OUR BIG PARTY. I STEPPED OUT ON THE DECK FOR A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, & THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS LEADING INTO THE SEA WERE 6 TAXICAB DRIVERS IN THEIR UNDERWEAR, LEAPING OFF THE RAILING INTO THE OCEAN BELOW.
I’LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT SIGHT & THINKING “I’M NOT IN COLORADO ANYMORE.”

IF YOU WANT TO DO BUSINESS HERE ON ROATAN, PLEASE REMEMBER, YOU MUST NEVER REVERT TO BIG CITY WAYS, GET DEMANDING OR IMPATIENT. NEVER, EVER SAY, “WHY DON’T YOU DO IT THIS WAY? WHY, BACK IN AMERICA…..”YOUR PAPERWORK WILL NEVER GET PROCESSED, YOU WILL NEVER BE GRANTED THAT APPT, WHEREEVER YOU MAY BE, YOU WILL NEVER GET TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE. REMEMBER, EVEN IF YOU HAVE YOUR RESIDENCY, YOU ARE STILL A GUEST IN THIS COUNTRY. THE ISLANDERS WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU WANT TO EMBRACE THEIR TRADITIONS, ENJOY THEIR FOOD, TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN TO THEIR WONDERFUL STORIES.

SAYING “AMERICA” IS OFFENSIVE. THIS IS AMERICA TOO, NORTH OR CENTRAL DOESN’T MATTER. THAT IS WHY WE ALL SAY, “BACK IN THE STATES”.


THE LABOR LAWS HERE ARE UNLIKE ANYTHING YOU ARE ACCUSTOMED TO IN THE STATES. THE LABOR LAWS ARE FOR THE EMPLOYEE & AGAINST THE EMPLOYER, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A GRINGO. IT IS A COMMON PERCEPTION COUNTRY WIDE THAT ALL AMERICANS & CANADIANS ARE BILLIONAIRES. THAT’S WHY IT’S OK TO STEAL FROM US. WE HAVE SO MUCH, THEY HAVE LITTLE OR NOTHING. THIS MAY SOUND HARSH. YOU HAVE TO LIVE HERE TO EXPERIENCE IT EVERY DAY.

TRYING TO FIND GOOD HONDURAN HELP IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. NO ONE WILL REFER ANYONE FOR FEAR OF REPRISAL. WE ADVERTISED, NETWORKED, PUT OUT FLYERS & FINALLY HAD A FEW INTERVIEWS. WE NEEDED AN OUT GOING, EDUCATED, BILINGUAL PERSON INTERESTED IN LEARNING RETAIL SALES & I TEACH JEWELRY DESIGN, SO A DESIRE TO LEARN MAKING JEWELRY IN THE SLOW TIMES WOULD BE OPTIMUM FOR ME. OF THE FIRST 2, I ASKED FOR 3 WORK REFERENCES. THIS WAS NOT UNDERSTOOD. FINALLY I GOT WHAT I ASKED FOR & WE CHECKED REFERENCES. ONE NEVER WORKED ANYWHERE SHE LISTED & THE OTHER ONE STOLE & ABUSED A CHILD.
THESE WERE REFERENCES SHE WROTE DOWN!!

WE WERE OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 9 TO 9, SO HELP WAS CRUCIAL. FINALLY WE FOUND OUR SHIRELEE & SHE IS THE BEST EMPLOYEE ONE COULD HOPE FOR. SHE IS BEING TRAINED AS A SALES MANAGER & THOUGH NEVER HAVING MADE A PIECE OF JEWELRY, SHE HAS SUCH A NATURAL GIFT, SHE IS ALREADY WORKING IN GOLD & GEMSTONES IN LESS THAN A YEAR. HER DESIGNS ARE SELLING TOO. WE ARE TRULY BLESSED.
A BILINGUAL UNIVERSITY EDUCATED EMPLOYEE FOR A RETAIL SHOP SUCH AS OURS STARTING SALARY, EARNS 4000 LPS PER MONTH, OR ROUGHLY $50 A WEEK FOR A 40 HOUR WORK WEEK.

OUR SECOND EMPLOYEE WAS ANOTHER MATTER. HAVING A ROUGH LIFE & A SINGLE MOM, I SPENT COUNTLESS HOURS TRAINING HER, HELPING HER SEE WHAT A FUTURE SHE HAD IN PENELOPE’S. AFTER 6 MONTHS OF EVERY DISASTER IMAGINABLE, SHE STARTED SHOWING UP LATE, CLOSING WHEN WE WEREN’T AROUND & THEN MANIPULATION OF THE RECEIPT BOOKS. SHE WAS STEALING FROM US. CASH & JEWELRY STARTED TO DISAPPEAR. WE KNEW ENOUGH ABOUT THE LABOR LAWS OR SO WE THOUGHT. EVERY EMPLOYEE HAS A 90 DAY TRAINING PERIOD. AFTER THAT THEY HAVE UNDER HONDURAN LAWS, MANY BENEFITS. THEY ARE PAID A 13TH MONTH SALARY IN JULY & A 14TH MONTH IN DECEMBER. THEY HAVE A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF PAID HOLIDAYS. IF THEY WORK A HOLIDAY, THEY GET PAID DOUBLE TIME. VACATION BENEFITS ARE MUCH BETTER THAN IN THE STATES TO SAY THE LEAST. THE MOST IMPORTANT BENEFIT OF ALL IS CALLED PRESTACIONES. THIS IS A FORM OF A PENSION PLAN WHICH STARTS AT THE 91ST DAY OF EMPLOYMENT. FOR EVERY DAY THEY WORK, THERE IS A FORMULA OF WHAT THEIR SEVERENCE PAY WILL BE SHOULD THEY QUIT OR BE FIRED. NO ONE EVER QUITS. CALCULATED INTO THIS FORMULA IS THE COST OF LUNCH OR THE RIDE YU GAVE THEM TO WORK, EVEN IF IT ONLY HAPPENED OCCASIONALLY. EVEN IF AN EMPLOYEE CANNOT WRITE OR READ, THEY KNOW THEIR RIGHTS DOWN TO THE LAST CENTAVO.
IN OUR CASE, THIS EMPLOYEE DID EVERYTHING IN HER POWER TO BE FIRED. KNOWING THE LAW, WE NEVER FIRED HER. THE BIGGEST FINE OF ALL IS TO FIRE A PREGNANT WOMAN. UNBEKNOWNST TO US SHE WAS 4 MONTHS PREGNANT. THAT WAS WHY SHE TRIED IN EVERYWAY TO FORCE US TO FIRE HER.
AFTER A FACE TO FACE, WE HAD AN EYE WITNESS TESTIFY I SAID “YOU ARE NOT FIRED, BUT YOU WILL START COMING TO WORK ON TIME & WE WILL BE MONITORING YOU.” SHE WALKED OFF THE JOB ON THE SPOT. IT IS HONDURAN LAW THAT IF AN EMPLOYEE ABANDONS THEIR JOB FOR 3 DAYS, THEY ARE ENTITLED TO NO BENEFITS. WE HIRED 2 FEMALE HONDURAN ATTORNEYS & SHOWED THEM PROOF OF THE SALES RECEIPT FRAUD, MISSING MERCHANDISE & A WITNESS TO NOT FIRING HER & HER WALKING OFF THE JOB. 2 DAYS LATER, SHE WALKED IN MY SHOP & THREW A SUMMONS IN MY FACE. WE WENT TO COURT WITH ALL OUR PROOF & ATTORNEYS. SHE TOLD THE JUDGE I FIRED HER BECAUSE SHE WAS PREGNANT. THE ATTORNEYS STATED SHE NEVER LOST HER JOB. SHE REPLIED SHE COULD NEVER COME BACK TO WORK BECAUSE WE TREATED HER SO BAD.
SHE WON.
WE HAD TO PAY IMMEDIATELY. FULL SALARY FOR 5 MONTHS OF PREGNANCY, 2 MONTHS SEVERANCE PAY & A FINE FOR FIRING A PREGNANT WOMAN WAS REQUESTED. & OUR ATTORNEY’S FEES.
I WAS AN EMOTIONAL WRECK & PHYSICALLY SICK FOR DAYS. THIS GIRL NOT ONLY WON BY LYING IN COURT, SHE BRAGGED ABOUT IT. IT WAS THE LOWEST POINT OF OUR LIVES IN OUR NEW HOME. WHAT BROKE MY HEART IS HOW HARD WE HAD WORKED TO HELP HER.

ON THAT TERRIBLE DAY, LAST MONTH, I WROTE THAT AWFUL CHECK & CAME HOME, BEATEN & DEPRESSED. AS THE SUN WENT DOWN, I POURED MYSELF AN ICE COLD CHARDONNAY, WALKED OUT ON OUR DECK & TOASTED THE SUNSET OVER THE OCEAN,
“I WILL PERSEVERE & I AM NOT A QUITTER”

AND THEN THE GOD DAMNED FRONT DOOR FELL OFF.

I AM NOW INTERVIEWING FOR A FEMALE EMPLOYEE OF NON-CHILD BEARING AGE OR A SENSITIVE, ARTISTIC, YOUNG MAN.

WELL, NOW YOU KNOW EVERYTHING I DO. REMEMBER WE HAVE A 25% OFF DISCOUNT COUPON ON THE TABLE FOR ALL IL TOUR MEMBERS, WE WILL BE HERE TODAY & TOMORROW TO ANSWER QUESTIONS & ALSO WILL BE IN OUR SHOP, PENELOPE’S ISLAND EMPORIUM IN WEST END, 9 TO 6 FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK IF YOU’D LIKE TO STOP IN & CHAT. JUST LOOK FOR OUR MANNEKIN, ROATAN ROSIE OUT FRONT.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY OUR BEAUTIFUL ISLAND.

MAYBE SOME OF YOU WILL BE MY NEIGHBORS, BUT I HOPE THAT ALL OF YOU WILL BE MY FRIIENDS.
THANK YOU